Today started bad. Ended bad. Sucked in the middle. I woke up in a ton of back and neck pain. I tried to wiggle around in bed and will myself back to sleep but was unsuccessful. At 6:25am I decided to call sleep over and get up. At 6:28am my 2-year-old came bounding out, and the greeting I gave her was a grumpy, “Go back to bed.” As most of us know, no toddler in the history of toddlers ever has just politely returned to sleep at a prompt like this. So, you can imagine how furious I was when she did NOT go back to bed! From there, I cried some and carried on making everyone miserable, in order of their waking, while willing away my physical pain FOR THE ENTIRE DAY. I did make two Herculean efforts to reset my day.
Effort #1: Around 11am I grounded myself to my room, feeling sorry for myself and angry at my life. I ate junk food while my kids watched tv, and I ended up falling asleep. Few! Unfortunately, I woke up annoyed that I’d eaten all the junk and felt guilty for spreading my bitter mood. Self-annoyance and guilt did not inspire me into changing my course. Instead, I just got meaner. Guilt and shame spiral baby! Hard to hop off once you’ve started spinning.
Effort #2: I mustered enough energy to help my 6-year-old with her schoolwork which went pretty well actually. It led down a rabbit hole trying to figure out how to utilize Mandarin flashcards, and I ended up on the floor with about 50 notecards scattered around me and no 6-year-old in site. Even so, I’ll count the effort successful!
ROCKIN’ right? These days are the worst! And I think the worst part of these worst days is that I can’t go back and retry it all. I know I’m going to have to apologize to the girls and to my husband for the attitude I kept today, and for the yelling and for the snapping. Booooo!! Plus, somehow, I’m mad at everyone for making my day awful. They did nothing, of course, but it feels like they were terrible.
Okay, so now I’m gritting my teeth and turning a hard look on myself. Dam, I made a mess of a picture that didn’t need to be messed. Pain was the impetus to all of this. Chronic pain is hard to deal with, and I really get fatigued and stressed by its persistence. Life is pressure-filled already, and I maintain a FLIMSY GRIP on many of my responsibilities! Pile on intense back and neck pain and I can lose it in a hurry. Many days I think, “I can’t do this!” ON REPEAT. Upon reflection, I see that it doesn’t have to play out as poorly as today did. I have tools, that I’m adept at using MOST of the time. My action-taking tools are the easiest to enlist, even on many pain laden days. So here they are…
5+ ACTION-TAKING TOOLS TO COMBAT THE WORST OF DAYS
- Ask/Pray/Meditate for perspective and a realistic look on the day. I often ask for a quiet mind first and then check in with my body, my emotions and my mind. Some might ask themselves, “What’s in the tank today”?
- Write down the ‘must do’s’ of the day AND THEN CROSS OUT ALL THE THINGS YOU REALLY DON’T NEED TO HAPPEN! It’s shocking to me how I’ll start off with about 20 to do’s, but by the time I’ve crossed out the extras I’m left with 1-3 things. As in 1, 2, or 3 things to do the whole day!
- Establish my mantra. On pain days I use something like, “You are compromised today, and you’ll need extra time and space. You are not going to get many things done and you’ll need to slow down.” Maybe it’s just “Slow down. Take it easy.” Or maybe, “Don’t sweat ANY of the small stuff.”
- Call someone who actually ‘gets’ what I’m going through. There are only 3 people in my life that I can talk to about my pain that don’t bug me or piss me off with their responses. I call at least one of them on these tough days!!
- Exercise! One of the absolute hardest things to do when I’m in pain is to move, but it’s often the only thing that will bring relief! Sometimes a super slow stroll will help loosen me up physically, energize my mind and lighten my mood. Stretching, even in bed, can allow me a walk to the kitchen or a few minutes to chat with my girls.
As you may have surmised from the story above, I did not take these 5 actions today. I did talk to a friend that ‘gets’ it. And it did help. But I had already begun twisting down the guilt and shame spiral. I likely would have needed to take every one of my actions to reset the day. That didn’t happen and we’ve now arrived at my bonus action!
BONUS ACTION – WHEN ALL EFFORTS FAIL
- FORGIVE YOURSELF AND TRY TO DO BETTER TOMORROW!!! Nothing keeps me checked out longer than holding onto guilt and shame. Even though I believe in restarting any day at any time, I have come to trust in the new beginning that comes after sleep.
Today wasn’t so awesome, but I have great hope and almost as much certainty that tomorrow will be better!!!
